What’s really driving you?
- Get Ahead Leadership Team
- Jun 18
- 2 min read
Understanding the hidden scripts behind our behaviours
"Hurry up."
"Be perfect."
"Don’t show weakness."
We don’t hear them out loud—but these voices live in our heads.
They shape how we show up at work, in relationships, in life. And most of the time, we don’t even notice they’re there.
Welcome to the world of drivers—a powerful concept from Transactional Analysis that reveals the unconscious rules we live by. They help us survive, succeed, and belong… but they can also trap us in patterns that no longer serve us.
Where do these drivers come from?
As children, we learn how to get love, approval, and safety.We pick up on subtle cues and expectations from our environment:
“Good boys don’t cry.”
“You’re smart when you get it right the first time.”
“Helping others makes you a good girl.”
Over time, these messages solidify into internal drivers—unspoken rules like:
“I must always be strong.”
“I have to please everyone.”
“I need to work harder than everyone else.”
They become the auto-pilot behind our adult behaviours—often helpful, but sometimes exhausting.
The 5 most common drivers
These five patterns show up again and again in coaching, leadership, and life. Do you recognise yourself in any of them?
1. Be perfect
Strength: quality, precision, high standards
Cost: constant self-criticism, fear of failure
The leader who spends hours polishing a presentation… but never feels ready.
New permission: “It’s okay to be good enough.”
2. Please others
Strength: empathy, harmony, service
Cost: saying yes when you mean no, losing sight of your needs
The colleague who keeps the peace—but burns out silently.
New permission: “Your needs matter too.”
3. Be strong
Strength: resilience, calm under pressure
Cost: emotional distance, inability to ask for help
The manager who never cracks—but feels completely alone.
New permission: “You’re allowed to feel and to lean on others.”
4. Try hard
Strength: perseverance, grit
Cost: mistaking struggle for value
“If it’s easy, it probably doesn’t count.”
New permission: “Success can be simple.”
5. Hurry up
Strength: energy, speed, action
Cost: stress, impatience, careless mistakes
The project lead who rushes, interrupts, multitasks—but never really lands.
New permission: “You can slow down and still move forward.”
Why this matters?
Drivers aren’t just personal—they shape the way we lead, relate, and perform.
In leadership and team dynamics, they can:
Create blind spots in decision-making
Reinforce perfectionism, control, or overcommitment
Block authentic conversations and healthy boundaries
Hinder change, especially when control or approval are threatened
In coaching, these drivers often sit behind reflections like:
“I can’t say no.”
“I feel like I always have to prove something.”
“If I let go, everything will fall apart.”
So… what can we do?
The first step is awareness.
Drivers aren’t a life sentence. Once we see them, we can:
Name our dominant driver(s) — or our unique cocktail!
Notice when the pattern kicks in, especially under pressure
Experiment with the permission that brings balance
Make conscious choices instead of reflexive ones
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